I got a rattlesnake gun,I got an elephant gun.
WhoBryan
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Name: Bryan
Birthday: 8/19/1984
Gender: Male


Interests: My darlin' Crystal, my rubberband ball, music, staring at pretty things, staring at walls, trying to be funny, writing
Expertise: Jobless Mofo
Occupation: Student
Industry: Real Estate


Message: message me
Website: visit my website


Member Since: 12/24/2003

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..::OCC::..
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Masta Willy - King of the Keyboard
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Bob Dylan could kick Conor Oberst's ass
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~Marian Days, Carthage MO!~
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Thursday, April 17, 2008

God doesn't control the weather most of the time. Really. Just like he doesn't control what your dog does, when volcanoes erupt or how far it is from your house to mine.


Thursday, March 06, 2008

I've been tired, okay. Get off my beck. Yes, beck. Here's a junky poem I wrote and will share as lazy penance. Thanks.

Forget It. Move On.

Getting the mail
In the snow
I always walk there fast
And come back slow.

The trail I leave
will melt in shame
Will everything else
do the same?

Repent sinner, repent.

The less I try
The less I do
Means the same amount
Will reflect on you.

Born and raised here
Hope I don't die
Right here where I
Started when I was five.

Repent sinner, repent.

That time you gave
The thirsty man
A quarter of your own
That's where you began.

Currently Listening
Tell Another Joke at the Ol' Choppin' Block
By Danielson Family
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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

How long has it been? A fortnight? Nay! Lengthier! Luthier! Langolier! Leviathan! Ludicrous!

I'm a supervisor at Gerbe's now. Have been for a couple months. Dang, that was easy. I need to do this promotion thing more often.

So I finally joined a church for the first time. Its called Karis Community Church and its here in Columbia. Its exciting and a little scary because they're a church plant, so that means I'll actually have to contribute. Sweet and sour sauce for Bryan. I like the people there too. Maybe Bryan will make some new friends. Fancy that. Pray for that.

I'm sick of modern living, which molds me into neither a saint nor a sinner. Instead, I am but a young American. This I have learned and I ask of you: Bad people do bad. Good people go good. Please. Let something else mold you.

If something loses meaning, we throw it away. This Christmas card used to mean something when it was Christmas, but now that its July, I will throw it away. This Hungry Man Dinner used to mean something to me when it held a dinner, but now its trash. Inevitably, when everything's meaningless, everything's junk. Make your trash into treasure again.

As we enter the advent season, remember the mother who gave birth to our Lord. Remember your mother as well.

I always wondered why there was an earthquake when Jesus died. Our first thoughts come to anger, as an angry Lord shakes his fist at Jesus' killers. I would instead like you to envision grief. As the sustainer of all things watches as his son is crucified, the whole of creation trembles as it is almost un-sustained; like a mother falling to the floor, almost dropping the phone as the officer tells her her son has died.

I love you friends, come visit.
Currently Listening
I'm Not There
By Original Soundtrack
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Sunday, October 14, 2007

Ahh Fall. Its that time again. The bugs have bitten the dust, my electric bill goes down (I like it cold), and its too chilly to dress like a whore. Perfect. And greatest of all, its Maple Leaf time in Carthage. Who says tradition blows? Protestants, that's who. I disagree with them there.

Something else that Fall has brought, a plethora of concerts for me to attend. Sadly, I only got to attend three. There are as follows:

Wilco in Columbia

If you're reading this blog you most likely were at this concert with me, haha. So, all I have to say its Nels Cline Nels Cline Nels Cline, Jeff Tweedy Jeff Tweedy Jeff Tweedy, and Glenn Kotche Glenn Kotche Glenn Kotche. They put on a long-ass-more-rockin-than-usual-show for us Columbians. Probably because Jeff grew up right near here. Apparently Columbians have been supporting him for a long time, particularly the owner of the Blue Note. Lots of material from A.M. and Being There. Very cool.

LCD Soundsystem/Arcade Fire in Kansas City

This show was at the Starlight Theater, which is connected to the Kansas City Zoo, haha. The place had the look of a big old amphitheater, but the feel and smell of Disneyland. Oh well, you couldn't ruin this show for me Theme Park Industry. Except for the fact that it took a little searching to find. As we were driving and not finding the Starlight, I saw a group of four guys who could be described as "indie" driving next to us. I jokingly remarked that they must be looking for the show as well. Eventually we realized that we were lost and looked over at the four guys who were frantically studying their Google Maps sheet. I, having a Mapquest sheet, pulled up beside them and shrugged at the front seat passenger. He rolled down his window and said, "Are you looking for the show too?!" Yes, I said. "Where the fuck is it?!!!" he said. I don't know, I said. So they began to follow us and we eventually got to the show where a small camaraderie was formed. LCD Soundsystem had everyone's liver removed by force of bass, and all the sensitive boy's hearts removed by force of their tiny Asian keyboard player in a jumpsuit. Her dance moves were fly. James Murphy can hit those trembling high notes like no one, and can drum like he was in a Maple Leaf marching band. In the opinion of this humble writer, LCD Soundsystem put on a better show than the Fire. Yes I said it. I even bought a T-shirt.

So, I don't know where they took the LCD set because the stage changed from a Euro-punk-rave thing to a red and black gothic thing. There are ten members on stage at a time. Win Butler looks really big on TV. He doesn't look as big in real life. He's still swell though. The show started out with 5 or 6 TV screens playing footage of fire-and-brimstone/evangelical/fascist sorts of persons as this is a focus of their new album, Neon Bible. It was pretty  intense. The crowd was a bit lackadaisical, to our dismay. Especially when they played Neighborhood #? (Lights Out). That song... was sweet. One of their last songs was the one that got me interested in them in the first place, Wake Up. Great great great. After the show a enjoyed another camaraderous moment with a fellow Honda Element owner. You see, the Element's doors are "suicide" doors, where one opens normally and the other opens the opposite direction to give more room for loading and to just look cool. This becomes a problem in parking lots as the driver has to open his door before the passenger can get out and then you're both stuck in the middle and you can imagine. So I found myself at the end of the show parked next to another Element. As we were leaving the owner of the other Element tried to get into the side facing mine, but then stopped himself because he remembered the hassle. We made eye contact and I pulled out for him as we gave each other a few "Yeah, man, you know how it is" looks. Fun stuff.

Girl Talk in Lawrence

If you haven't heard Girl Talk yet, look some of his stuff up online. Yes, he's a guy. Just one guy. Not a group of girls playing some ridiculous board game. Anyway, he makes "mash-up" music, which takes parts from different songs and puts them together making a whole new song. What's the difference between him and a DJ, you ask? Well, first its the complexity of his music. DJs can only mix a few songs at a time because they use physical turntables and mixers. Girl Talk, or Gregg Gillis uses a white plastic table and two laptops. Secondly, the musical references of this guy are pretty amazing. Your typical DJ will know a heck of a lot about rap, dance, and techno/house music, but little beyond that. Girl Talk takes from every available genre imaginable. Still, a strong dance and hip hop streak runs through his music so one is required to dance at his shows. Already, it has become common practice for audience members to storm the stage at his shows and form a mob surrounding him while he simply bobs his head up and down in front of his laptops. The group I was with (Crystal and Grant) were at the front of the stage when the mob began to surge. I felt close to death, like those people at that Who concert back in the day. Oh, and did I mention it gets immensely hot at his shows? Everyone was very sweaty and a little smelly, but few cared. It was one of the most fun experiences I've had at a concert. Please go to one, you shy butterfly.

Well, there's my fall concert review. Not a bad one in the bunch. I wish I could have seen Spoon, Modest Mouse, Man Man, Interpol, Low, or the Magnolia Electric Company, but time and money are an essence.

Hey, Thanks for reading.


EDIT: HOLY COW THIS IS FOR YOU AARON!!!

Currently Listening
Mirrored
By Battles
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Thursday, September 06, 2007

Here's a historical non-fiction piece I wrote. I did research and everything. Hope you enjoy the story.

          I didn’t hear this story until I was 21, though pieces of it have been passed down through my family since the 1860’s; a classic tale of bastard sons, murderous men, and innocent deaths told by campfires and hardened old men.

         

          My great-great-great grandfather, Calvin Cloud, lived with his wife Mary Jane outside Ponce de Leon, Missouri in a house built by Calvin’s own hands. Calvin was a farmer of German descent, not a rarity in 1850’s Missouri, who raised hogs and corn. The Cloud’s lives were uncomplicated until a young guest approached their door.

 

In the winter of 1842, a pregnant Matilda Bolden gave birth to a son in the backwoods of Stone County, Missouri. The child was known as a “wood’s colt”. Meaning one born from unwanted horse breeding in secluded fields. He had no father. When he was eleven his mother deserted him for a roving horse-trader, leaving him motherless as well. His name began as Alf Bolden, but is also recorded as Bowlin, Bolen, or Bolin. These variations are unsurprising, since Alf had no family from which to receive a name.

 

When Alf drifted to the home of Calvin and Mary Jane Cloud, they took pity received the young man into their home and raised him as their own child. The newly adopted Alf should have thrived in this environment, yet he remained an oddity. At age seventeen he slipped away, vanishing for months, with selfish mayhem as his only mentor. Word came months later of his entanglement and apprenticeship with Sam Hilderbrand, an outlaw and bushwhacker.

 

Thieving mercenaries who prowled the hills of Southern Missouri and northern Arkansas during the civil war were the bushwhackers, chiefly southern sympathizers. They slaughtered Northern soldiers and their Southern brethren as well at a whim or for the blood money alone. Bolin and his company were the most feared of these guerrilla mobs. The swept the hills like a plague. The victims of their raids were innocents, soldiers, wagon trains and even family. Once, Bolin and three of his men invaded the home of Billy Smith, a 70 year-old man, who lived alone in a log cabin near Pine Top, Missouri. The pack commanded Smith to prepare them a meal. Smith arranged a meager feast of pork, beans and cornbread. Following the meal, Bolin enquired as to where Smith stored his money. Newspaper accounts recall their conversation.

 

“Now, I reckon you’d might as well tell us whar ya got yer money hid away, old codger.” Smith had no money and was scarcely able to feed himself. Bolin seized Smith by the shirt.

 

“All ya old codgers has got a little savings hid around! I’ll make you talk.”

 

Bolin produced a large knife. Playing the part of a butcher, he smoothly carved off one of Smith’s ears, dangling it for the old man to examine. “Now tell me whar yer money is er I’ll whack off the tothern!” The old man trembled saying, “I can’t tell where something is that I ain’t got.” Bolen’s cold fingers clamped Smith’s solitary ear, slicing as he had done before. The elder Smith fainted before the men. Bolen jerked a pistol from his coat and pummeled the old man’s lifeless head unceasingly.

         

           “He’s dead Alf,” his comrade whimpered.

 

The men lived off Smith’s food and home for another few weeks. It wouldn’t be Alf’s last murder, for he killed over 40 men. Many times, he seemed to seek revenge for unknown trespasses. Early in his career he was shot at by a Union soldier, and from then on Alf targeted the families of Union men. Bolin’s gang also had a particular spot of ambush, now called Murder Rock, where many were robbed and killed. In the vastness of his carnage, there was one murder of particular significance.

 

The spring of 1862 brought a hooded horde to the home of Calvin Cloud. Calvin was standing at his barn. His wife, Mary Jane, was 50 yards from that barn. Calvin informed the men that he had no money, but would provide food for the masked gang. A familiar voice echoed across the rolling Ozark hills.

 

“We don’t want nothin’ but yer gun. Jist give it to us an we’ll ride on.”

 

“Well, I ain’t got a gun,” said Cloud.

 

“Yer a black liar, Calvin. Ya got a good gun, and I’m aiming ter takkit.”

 

Calvin stared silently at the men as he finally recognized the voice. “Alf Bolin! It ain’t beholding of you to come here robbin’, after all me and Mary Jane have done for you. If you’re wanting something, you know you can have anything I’ve got. But get off that horse and take that mask off your face—and ask for it like a man!

 

This proved to be a useless summons, for Bolin was not a man at all.

 

His pride defaced, Bolin tore off his mask. Perhaps memories of a fatherless childhood stabbed at him from his past, a thirst for vengeance on his true father. Are these the things that make men into animals? If Bolin had had a structured home, would he not have rotted? It seems he received such a home from the Clouds, yet he still performed his tragedy. Is it possible he was destined for this part?

 

Grabbing the nearest rifle to himself he choked its trigger while aiming at his surrogate father. The Furies shrieked as Calvin’s chest inscribed his death letter in a red cascade. Mary Jane ran screaming to her husband while Alf discharged a bullet in her direction, missing her as she fell to the ground. Bolin and his men seeped into the woods as crows heralded the slaughter.

 

Man-hunters roved the Ozark wilderness looking for Bolin after a reward of $5000 had been placed on his head. Months passed. Eventually a cohort of Bolin’s, Ted Nelson, was caught by a group of soldiers. One of the soldiers, Zack Thomas, and Nelson agreed to catch Bolin in return for Nelson’s release. Using Nelson’s wife and a promise of cheap goods as bait, they staged an ambush in Nelson’s home. Bolin cautiously arrived at the home and found its residents trustworthy. The accounts of his death differ some, yet in a moment of laxity during which Bolin was either drinking coffee or blowing his nose, Thomas hammered Bolin’s head with an iron poker. Believing him to be dead, the newfound undertakers got ready to depart, when Nelson’s wife screamed as his body began to rise again. Quickly, Thomas shot him with his pistol, finally concluding the horrid chronicle of Alf Bolin. Needing only the head for identification, the party lopped it off with an axe and transported it to Springfield, Missouri in a burlap sack. As his next of kin, Mary Jane Cloud was brought in to identify the trophy. His head was taken to Ozark, Missouri where it was placed on the top of a long pole for all to witness and ridicule.

     

        A photograph of Bolin post-mortem has survived. His severed head lay stately on a canvas of forest leaves and twigs, leaned gently against a log. The burlap sack that once held the Hellish cargo is sprawled out beside him. His blood-sapped face is a clownish white. His chaotic mane of thick black crowns and girds his jester’s face; his eyes look dark, like puncture wounds. Were they always as shadowy? Perchance it to be true, are any of us unwillingly fated with these eyes?



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